You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
pop tarts are not kleenex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
