mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
