Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
