yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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