Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
