eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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