You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
