Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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