I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
