so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
