tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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