I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
