Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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