I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
