Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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