This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
