I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
