I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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