If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am spending my child support on dildos
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
