I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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