made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
