does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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