peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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