some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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