never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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