I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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