(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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