i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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