I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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