Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
