I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
