Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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