Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
