my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I deserve this hangover.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize