I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
