I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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