I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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