Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
