I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
