The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
