Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
