she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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