i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
