yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
