do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
