HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
