lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
