are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
