Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
