is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
