New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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