You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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