and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
