Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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