i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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