ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
