So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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