I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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