I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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