I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
