the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
