I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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