haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
