Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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