i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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