Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
foreskin is a definite game changer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
